Let me tell you about a rather funny thing that happened last night...
I'm a frequent patron of a night club by the name of The Broken Duck. Everybody thinks that is a bad name and nobody likes it.
But we all shell out the shillings to keep the rotten tub afloat because it's built on the border between Mexico and Texas and the border patrol is too busy launching daily raids to blast us off the line to pay attention to all the prostitutes and wanton premarital sex!
There was once a guy who got his dick sucked all night there! that is extremely hardcore and also very sexy because most of the women there are 30 and are gross old whores
but there is sometimes bad things that happen there... people dissappearing in the night... they go out with a girl and never return... at least... the same way...
but I knew I was smarter than them. I know I am smart because I have a college degree and am a white american guy who has a cock TEN INCHES LONG and a face that looks like Leanardo Dicaprio and the guy who played Walter White if he was twenty years younger.
I like to masturbate a lot because I still have some dirty teen hormones pumping in my veins 📷)
but... I want a real woman to lose my virginity to who is not 30 years or older because that is gross.
little did I know my dream was about to come true!
one night I was drinking with my buddies
"hey bro I just drank a lot" said my mad frat bro Joseph
"Hey man I almost inebriated because I have drunk a lot of vodka too" said my equally mad fat bro Sid.
"man guys I am full of beer and piss and I had better start losing one before my bladder explodes and my teeth turn grey" I told them all and got off the table to go to the bathroom.
But along the way I see a very amazing sight!
there is a woman on the stage singing "My Heart Will Go On" from the Titanic movie which has Leanrado Diapcrio in it!
She is very beautiful and has long black raven hair and big amazing boobs which are peeking out of the incredibly glitter and black dress she has that matches her hair and her eyes are black too!
She looks like Paula Deen but fifty years younger and not racist I hope!
she got down off the stage and batted her eyes at me and then pulled me in close
my penis was immediately very hard and also erect because that is what penises do when they see something they like
"hey baby" she whispered in my sultry ear
"you look like a man who wants to have a bad time fuck I mean good time" she continued as she sang the other song in the Titanic movie but this one didnt have Lenrado Capridio in it.
by this point my very erect cock was spilling precum on her dress!! it was so naught andy and embarrasing but she just winked at me and kissed me RIGHT ON THE LIPS!
All the guys at the bar were furiously masturbating because the scene was so sexy and they were ashamed they would never get a cute and beautiful girl under 30 like I just did!
"Oh my" said the girl, very mad like "who gave permission for all these pathetic little worms to get stroked off? not me because I can't say anything right now because I am too busy making out with you baby" she said as she made out with me.
"lets go somewhere where you can see my amazing cock and maybe have some good missionary position" I told her in her ear
yes that is a very good idea lets do that she said and then we went upstairs
"but before we begin I ave to let you know something and that is... my tastes... are a bit different" she told me looking very sly
"Oh well I am a very kinky white person so I can handle it 📷 📷 📷" I winked back at her
"lol" she said.
She pushed me down on the bed
I was so excited because i was finally about to lose my virginity a SECOND TIME!
but then SOMETHING STRANGE HAPPENED
she pushed her fingers right in between the spot between my chocolate starfish and my DUCK!!! whats that called lol I dont care
so anyway like I moaned cuz her fingers went RIGHT IN! and suddenly my belly started blowing up! OMG it was so strange!
"wow dude WTF" I asked her
she just wineked at me
"told you my tastes were missionary damnit I mean different."
you seee... i have to get a children somehow but i cant find the particular mate that suits my fantasy they are over 30 and that is gross"... so I had to choose you put my kids in
I suddnely felt so bad for her because I know just what she feels!!! i would have her children any day I told her
she giggled very loudly and then the best part happened!
she gets down over me and whispers in my ear
"It's game time bro"
she grabs my belly firmly, tugs it off and runs.
She just freaking stole the ball right out from under me!
the game is so on.
I dash after her and zip right around thanks to my longer legs
The ball's in my court now but I'm not going to let it go any further. I sacrificed too much for this team to see us fall so short of the championships.
she's trying to pull a mean crossover dribble now, feinting left and right trying to catch me out
I nab the ball right in mid-dribble and make a dash for her court and pull off a wicked jump shot.
It falls so close to the hoop but it just barely bounces off and becomes an offensive rebound
She's like a blur now; Before the ball hits the court twice she's snatched it up and performed an overhead pass to herself at the end of the court!
THE CROWD IS GOING WILD
they've never seen a game as tense as this, not in the junior leagues.
she's so close to the hoop; she's focusing energy into her legs, preparing for a slam dunk AND I NAB THE BALL RIGHT OUT OF HER HANDS
this woman once handled my balls but now it is I who is the ball handler
I'm like a fucking shooting star on a collision course for victory
The officials are going nuts in their booths; Was that play even LEGAL?! even if it wasnt theres no way they can even penalize me; HOW CAN YOU CATCH WHAT YOU CANNOT SEE?!?!
THE METEOR ENTERS THE STRATOSPHERE
THE HOOP IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
I AM PROPPELED INTO THE AIR ON THE WINGS OF ANGELS
THE BALL GOES UP
THE BALL COMES SCREAMING DOWN
THE
HOOP
IS
ON
FIRE
THE CROWD IS SPONTAENEOUSLY COMBUSTING
THE OFFICIALS HAVE MELTED INTO NAPALM
WE DID IT
WE FUCKING DID IT GUYS
THEY'LL NEVER DOUBT THE UNDERDOGS AGAIN CAUSE WE FUCKING SHOWED THEM ALL
WHO IS AWESOME
WE ARE AWESOME
I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH
no homo.
I'm a frequent patron of a night club by the name of The Broken Duck. Everybody thinks that is a bad name and nobody likes it.
But we all shell out the shillings to keep the rotten tub afloat because it's built on the border between Mexico and Texas and the border patrol is too busy launching daily raids to blast us off the line to pay attention to all the prostitutes and wanton premarital sex!
There was once a guy who got his dick sucked all night there! that is extremely hardcore and also very sexy because most of the women there are 30 and are gross old whores
but there is sometimes bad things that happen there... people dissappearing in the night... they go out with a girl and never return... at least... the same way...
but I knew I was smarter than them. I know I am smart because I have a college degree and am a white american guy who has a cock TEN INCHES LONG and a face that looks like Leanardo Dicaprio and the guy who played Walter White if he was twenty years younger.
I like to masturbate a lot because I still have some dirty teen hormones pumping in my veins 📷)
but... I want a real woman to lose my virginity to who is not 30 years or older because that is gross.
little did I know my dream was about to come true!
one night I was drinking with my buddies
"hey bro I just drank a lot" said my mad frat bro Joseph
"Hey man I almost inebriated because I have drunk a lot of vodka too" said my equally mad fat bro Sid.
"man guys I am full of beer and piss and I had better start losing one before my bladder explodes and my teeth turn grey" I told them all and got off the table to go to the bathroom.
But along the way I see a very amazing sight!
there is a woman on the stage singing "My Heart Will Go On" from the Titanic movie which has Leanrado Diapcrio in it!
She is very beautiful and has long black raven hair and big amazing boobs which are peeking out of the incredibly glitter and black dress she has that matches her hair and her eyes are black too!
She looks like Paula Deen but fifty years younger and not racist I hope!
she got down off the stage and batted her eyes at me and then pulled me in close
my penis was immediately very hard and also erect because that is what penises do when they see something they like
"hey baby" she whispered in my sultry ear
"you look like a man who wants to have a bad time fuck I mean good time" she continued as she sang the other song in the Titanic movie but this one didnt have Lenrado Capridio in it.
by this point my very erect cock was spilling precum on her dress!! it was so naught andy and embarrasing but she just winked at me and kissed me RIGHT ON THE LIPS!
All the guys at the bar were furiously masturbating because the scene was so sexy and they were ashamed they would never get a cute and beautiful girl under 30 like I just did!
"Oh my" said the girl, very mad like "who gave permission for all these pathetic little worms to get stroked off? not me because I can't say anything right now because I am too busy making out with you baby" she said as she made out with me.
"lets go somewhere where you can see my amazing cock and maybe have some good missionary position" I told her in her ear
yes that is a very good idea lets do that she said and then we went upstairs
"but before we begin I ave to let you know something and that is... my tastes... are a bit different" she told me looking very sly
"Oh well I am a very kinky white person so I can handle it 📷 📷 📷" I winked back at her
"lol" she said.
She pushed me down on the bed
I was so excited because i was finally about to lose my virginity a SECOND TIME!
but then SOMETHING STRANGE HAPPENED
she pushed her fingers right in between the spot between my chocolate starfish and my DUCK!!! whats that called lol I dont care
so anyway like I moaned cuz her fingers went RIGHT IN! and suddenly my belly started blowing up! OMG it was so strange!
"wow dude WTF" I asked her
she just wineked at me
"told you my tastes were missionary damnit I mean different."
you seee... i have to get a children somehow but i cant find the particular mate that suits my fantasy they are over 30 and that is gross"... so I had to choose you put my kids in
I suddnely felt so bad for her because I know just what she feels!!! i would have her children any day I told her
she giggled very loudly and then the best part happened!
she gets down over me and whispers in my ear
"It's game time bro"
she grabs my belly firmly, tugs it off and runs.
She just freaking stole the ball right out from under me!
the game is so on.
I dash after her and zip right around thanks to my longer legs
The ball's in my court now but I'm not going to let it go any further. I sacrificed too much for this team to see us fall so short of the championships.
she's trying to pull a mean crossover dribble now, feinting left and right trying to catch me out
I nab the ball right in mid-dribble and make a dash for her court and pull off a wicked jump shot.
It falls so close to the hoop but it just barely bounces off and becomes an offensive rebound
She's like a blur now; Before the ball hits the court twice she's snatched it up and performed an overhead pass to herself at the end of the court!
THE CROWD IS GOING WILD
they've never seen a game as tense as this, not in the junior leagues.
she's so close to the hoop; she's focusing energy into her legs, preparing for a slam dunk AND I NAB THE BALL RIGHT OUT OF HER HANDS
this woman once handled my balls but now it is I who is the ball handler
I'm like a fucking shooting star on a collision course for victory
The officials are going nuts in their booths; Was that play even LEGAL?! even if it wasnt theres no way they can even penalize me; HOW CAN YOU CATCH WHAT YOU CANNOT SEE?!?!
THE METEOR ENTERS THE STRATOSPHERE
THE HOOP IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
I AM PROPPELED INTO THE AIR ON THE WINGS OF ANGELS
THE BALL GOES UP
THE BALL COMES SCREAMING DOWN
THE
HOOP
IS
ON
FIRE
THE CROWD IS SPONTAENEOUSLY COMBUSTING
THE OFFICIALS HAVE MELTED INTO NAPALM
WE DID IT
WE FUCKING DID IT GUYS
THEY'LL NEVER DOUBT THE UNDERDOGS AGAIN CAUSE WE FUCKING SHOWED THEM ALL
WHO IS AWESOME
WE ARE AWESOME
I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH
no homo.
